Season 4, Episode 20: Ageless

"Ageless"

Episode 20

Air Date: May 4th, 2005

Oh boy....does it smell rancid and putrid in here!!! My goodness, I didn't think an episode could get any worse than Spell but here we are...with this....unfathomably atrocious filth!!! I'm serious! Ageless almost feels like a parody of a Smallville episode than a legit episode of the show.  The story at hand feels like some poorly written fan fic to get Lana and Clark to play parents to an abnormal baby that they randomly find in a field just so we can turn them in Jonathan and Martha Jr. so they can raise the child together.  My god, there are actual lines that force the love between Clark and Lana like it's some Lifetime original movie.  There are numerous callbacks to the pilot with Clark and Lana talking to Evan, the abnormal boy who age every 7 years in a matter of hours, like his parents did to him throughout the series so far.  It's not even entertaining, heartwarming or funny....it'sjust painful, pathetic and it looks like the actors on hand aka Tom and Kristin seem too embarrassed by the material to make this story even come off mildly convincing.  I mean the concept could have been interesting I suppose, but then that would have to heavily rely on Evan to make the story even remotely captivating.  Evan.....outside of the fact that he is a second generation meteor freak who the writers force a connection between him and Clark, is....boring....and I mean...BORING!!!  I'm sorry, but I really do feel bad for the actors chosen to play him as he ages, especially Jeffery Ballard who is given some truly awful dialogue that it's no wonder his performance feels so.....disorienting and detached during his scenes.  I'm sorry but the worst part has got to be the moment where he gets upset at Clark when his real father wants nothing to do with him and he says, "Stop telling me what to do Clark! You're not my father!" 

-_-.......Oh kill me now! *Headdesk* *Headwall**Head to anything solid* But then that moment is even topped by the horrible conclusion of Clark's last moment with Evan when he ages to death...yes, ages to death in an overpowered energy explosion that Clark shelters him from after delivering lines that his parents said in the pilot: "I'm glad it's you and Lana who found me." "I think you found us."..........So this is what visual misery looks like.  Excuse me.....*throws up profusely* Oh and Clark comes out from the ruble all messed and smoke all over him but Lana doesn't even question how he survived when it looks like he was hit by the massive blast. Yeah, Clark said he got clear of the blast just in time...yet it clearly looks like he didn't! Omg!!! This script was...WOW!!! Ewwww all this epilogue talk about how much Evan meant to both Lana and Clark.....just.......toilet fadder! I mean I guess the scene where Clark talks to his parents about possibly having children had some poignancy to it that matters in the long run for Clark but I've checked out so hard during this episode that it's pretty meaningless to me.  But Clark will in fact end up having children thanks to that "Crisis On Infinite Earths" crossover.

Besides that mind numbing main plot with the surrogate meteor freak parents, the Luthor men are the only thing worth watching this episode with Lionel finally confronting Genevieve when she threatens Lionel about Lex having the stones.  Oh and it turns out she's the one who released him from prison....WOW! Let's just casually throw that out there without much time to build on why she did....  But I guess it's because she mentions she wanted him to return the favor of giving her the stone he found.  I just mostly enjoyed Lionel going full on godfather again and poisoning Genevieve to stop her from going after Lex and getting the stone that she took from Bridgette Crosby.  Very suspenseful turn of events, but still this stone storyline is barely a priority for these writers anymore clearly when it takes a backseat to such a horrific episode like this! Yikes! -_-  Oh and after Lex's scientists have found that Evan's DNA can help in curing various diseases....he's more adamant about keeping that information to himself...for now! Once again, Lex is embracing his evil side more and more. WOW! Outside of that, Ageless maybe one of the worst episodes of the series, if NOT the very worst! Nothing more to say about it besides don't waste your time by any means! O_O

 

Final Kryptonite: F